For too long, I've operated under the "just in case" mentality. I should buy these shoes just in case I have an opportunity to wear them (and ::shocker:: I rarely do have the opportunity). I should buy these because they are on sale now just in case they aren't on sale when I need them (and ::shocker:: I rarely need them). I should keep these books just in case I want to read them again (and ::shocker:: I don't).
For awhile now I have been moving away from this mentality. I know that it is connected with the running in a way.
Running has changed me significantly.
I now have patience. Transformations take time. I can't expect instant gratification or immediate rewards. This patience has allowed to me to see my own power. So many people quickly say that they can't do something because they can't see immediate results. I know that I can do a great many things if I have the time. I once said that I'd never weigh what I weighed when I got married again. I thought it was a lost cause. Now I weigh was I weighed when I was sixteen.
When my current half-marathon training initially called for a tempo run or some speedwork, I was convinced that I couldn't maintain those paces for those distances. But I did. I can do more than I realize.
Every pound that is lost, every mile that is logged, every run that is a little bit faster is just proof that I am powerful and competent in a world where chaos and incompetence appearing to reign supreme gives most of us the feeling of being powerless.
I have self-confidence in myself. I don't need to fear a world of scarcity. I don't need stuff "just in case" something horrible happens. I can make life work. I'm resourceful and intelligent.
Letting go of the "just in case" mentality is not just about the tangible stuff. I don't need to stockpile social capital by being false and fake "just in case" I'll need the person later on. I do no one any favors by kowtowing to ineptitude or enabling others to develop delusions of grandeur just to build social capital.
And I just realized (literally just realized) that I can teach my son to have faith in himself he won't have to live life "just in case." I must teach by modeling it.
(By the way--I blame O Magazine and one of its contributors for giving me the language to discuss what I've noticed about me.)
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3 comments:
Great post. I feel like I need to learn these lessons particularly that transformation takes time.
I am not sure about the social capital bit--I think we should put up with ineptitude because ultimately it makes us more patient and a better person but you are right in that we shouldn't think about people in terms of potentially "needing them" later.
I agree. I do put up with ineptitude. And running has given me the patience to do it. I just won't do any kowtowing or positive reinforcement to be polite. I see that as different from putting up with something.
I enjoyed this. I'm a fan of your (and O's) language.
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